As Tennyson used to say about the poor doomed soldiers of the Light Brigade, not though the soldier knew, someone, somewhere, had blundered.

And how.

According to the breathless media reports, in the speediest investigation in history, by crack investigative journalists sprinting past law enforcement, diligent New York Times sleuths supposedly nabbed the Minecraft Papers leaker — who allegedly had physical access to top-secret, print-only documents from five different intelligence agencies — who was promptly taken down in a massive FBI raid.

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The devilish traitor — definitely NOT a whistleblower exposing official White House lies, no, never, this is NOT like the Pentagon Papers at all, how dare you, do you love Putin or something? — is supposed to be a 21-year-old part-time member of the Air National Guard and video game aficionado.

Give me a break. The story is utterly preposterous and the Journal knows it. Although it couldn’t risk biting the withered, decaying hand that feeds it tasty intelligence snacks, the Journal still couldn’t quite help expressing some thinly-veiled skepticism:

It wasn’t immediately clear why somebody with his job title—cyber transport systems journeyman—would have access to the types of files that have surfaced.

You don’t say! I can’t wait to hear the convoluted cock and bull they come up with to explain how videogamer Jack Texiera, 21, outwitted the top intelligence agencies in the country. This should be good.

The Journal reported with a straight face that Joe Biden and President Zelenskyy both said the leaks were completely harmless and didn’t give away anything worth noting. The leaked files “have no operational significance,” Mykhailo Podolyak, a Ukrainian presidential adviser, said in an interview. “They have no impact on the front line or the planning of the General Staff.” The Former Vice President, when asked for an update on the leak investigation Thursday during a trip to Dublin, said he was concerned that the leak happened, but “there’s nothing contemporaneous that I’m aware of that’s of great consequence.”

Well then, what’s all the hoopla about?

Meanwhile, the alphabet networks (CNN, MSNBC, etc) piled on Mr. Texiera, breathlessly reporting the young Massachusetts man is a racist, sexist, homophobe with a gun fetish and probably a Trump supporter. In other words, he’s a terrifically bad person. Virtue signal fail. So obviously Mr. Texiera can’t be a whistleblower or anything good like that.

Coincidentally, this was also, of course, the official, government-approved narrative:

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Even more insanely, the New York Times took credit for finding Texiera. It ran a story yesterday headlined, “Inside the Hunt for the Discord Leaker, and Twitter Chaos Updates.” The sub-headlined bragged, “How Times journalists tracked down the alleged leaker of military intelligence.”

The Times apparently even helped with the arrest, “gathering” around arresting FBI agents:

As reporters from The New York Times gathered near the house on Thursday afternoon, about a half-dozen F.B.I. agents pushed into the home of Airman Teixeira’s mother in North Dighton, with a twin-engine government surveillance plane keeping watch overhead.

Haha, the Times even got there BEFORE the FBI:

When Times reporters approached the house again, the truck was parked in the driveway. Airman Teixeira’s mother and his stepfather were standing in the driveway. When asked if Airman Teixeira was there and willing to speak, his stepfather, Thomas P. Dufault, said: “He needs to get an attorney if things are flowing the way they are going right now. The feds will be around soon, I’m sure.”

Mr. Dufault knows which way the wind is blowing these days. The Times, like the alphabet networks and the Pentagon, stressed that Texiera is DEFINITELY NOT A WHISTLEBLOWER:

[A]ccording to people who knew him online, Airman Teixeira was no whistle-blower. Unlike previous huge leaks of information, from the Pentagon Papers to WikiLeaks to Edward Snowden’s disclosures, outrage about wrongdoing or government policies does not appear to have been a factor.

I hardly know where to start with this ridiculous buffoonery. We are meant to believe that a junior Air National Guardsman somehow collected top-secret documents from multiple highest-level intelligence sources and then plunked them onto his Minecraft video game server for no reason whatsoever. And then somehow the New York Times, which still can’t even find Antifa or ActBlue, somehow traced the leak all the way back to Texiera before the FBI, CIA, DoD, NSA, and everyone else who was looking for him.

Still — all of of this crack reporting blindly ignores the plain fact that Texiera — if he really was the leaker, and regardless of how virtuous he is or isn’t — is actually a hero who apparently single-handedly uncovered the U.S. government’s illegal secret proxy war and top officials’ countless lies to Congress and the American people.

Can someone remind me how you spell “patsy?”

 

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